I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
