I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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