If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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