the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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