I CAN MOONWALK!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
