I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
