The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
