I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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