in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
