I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
