Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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