if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
