remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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