Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
