Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
