Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was not drunk enough for that final.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
