Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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