I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
