the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
