Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
