I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
