He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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