and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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