I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
