The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
