i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
