Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
