Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
