Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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