false alarm. still invincible.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
