She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i out mim tonsoeep
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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