uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
