I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
