Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
