It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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