I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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