conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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