Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
