I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
