mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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