dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Damn victory sex feels great
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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