so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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