im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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