Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
