the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
