Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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