I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
