God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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