oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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