Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
