rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
