When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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