erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
