yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
