so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
