it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize