when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
