I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize