Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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