That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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