I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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