Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
