this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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