WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
