I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize