just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
whose ass print is on the piano?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
