My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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