Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize