No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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