left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
