You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
