My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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