I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
