My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
