She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
