i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize