Jerry, you need to find god
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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