Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize