dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
