I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
