AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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