I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
