We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
