it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize