Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
