I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize