I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
