So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
