question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
