She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize