I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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